The Blastoise Show!
by ILoveBlastoise
Summary: Professor Ivy visits the show!
1. the blastoise show!

DISCALIMER: I OWN NOTHIN BUT THIS FIC!  
  
The Blastoise Show!  
  
Announcer: da na na na da nana da nana na da dada da dada dada!  
  
THE BLASTOISE SHOW!*explosion*  
  
Now here's your host..Blastoise!  
  
Blastoise: *comes out to the stage* good evening and welcome to my show where I torture the pokemon cast for your entertainment! Today we have 2 specials guests. we will be accompanied by Ash and Misty and a performance by Joe Budden with his new single "pump it up" now lets give a round of a applause to Ash !  
  
*applause*  
  
*Ash teleports to the show*  
  
Ash: *weight lifting a pencil* 98, 99, 100! Whew! That was a good work out  
  
Blastoise: *ahem*  
  
Ash:*turns around* what the- where am I?! *looks at blastoise* wow! A blastoise! Must catch it! *pulls out pokeball*  
  
Blastoise: hey hey hey! What you think you doing?!  
  
Ash: get ready to be caught blastoise!  
  
Blastoise: son put the pokeball down and no one will get hurt  
  
Ash: wait till Gary sees this!*throws pokeball*  
  
*in slow motion blastoise dodges the pokeball*  
  
Blastoise: that's it! Security!  
  
* Sponge bob comes in*  
  
Sponge bob: I'm ready I'm ready I'm ready I'm ready  
  
Blastoise: *announcer voice* sponge bob are u ready?!  
  
Sponge bob: IM READY!  
  
Blastoise: ok.laugh  
  
Sponge bob: *does his annoying laugh**stops**grin*  
  
Ash: um what was that for?  
  
Blastoise: *shrugs* I dunno  
  
Ash: well I'm am still gonna catch u!  
  
Blastoise: oh no u won't *suddenly a tranquilizer appears at blastoise hand and he throws it ash*  
  
Ash: *hit* ahh! *struggling, but still moving*  
  
Blastoise: it's still moving! *throws chair*  
  
Ash: *gets hit wit chair but still moving*  
  
Blastoise it won't die!!! What am I gonna do?!!!*light bulb*  
  
*blastoise pulls out a piece of paper and draws a stick figure of misty*  
  
Blastoise: here*gives drawing to ash* go nuts*  
  
Ash: *struggling to open his left eye* misty! My love *kisses paper then dies*  
  
Blastoise: *sigh* that was close...*sits back in his desk* any ways! Let's bring out misty!  
  
* Misty teleports into the stage*  
  
Misty: huh?! What kinda place is this?!  
  
Blastoise: hey babe, welcome to my show  
  
Misty: wow! A Blastoise  
  
Blastoise: don't even think about it or your end up like your amigo  
  
Misty:*looks at ash* ash?! What happened to you?!  
  
Ash: x_x  
  
Misty: *tear* what did you do to him?!  
  
Blastoise: hey he was going crazy so somebody had to stop him*gets up and puts arm around misty* but uh now since he is outta of the way how about you and me cuddle after the show *wink*  
  
Misty:*slaps blastoise* get away from me!  
  
Blastoise: did.you.just touch the face?  
  
Misty: um yea!  
  
Blastoise: DID YOU JUST TOUCH THE FACE?!  
  
Misty: *whimper*  
  
Man:* fall from the sky and into the studio*  
  
*silence*  
  
man: *gets up and dusts himself off* sorry about that *walks away wit his one leg*  
  
Blastoise: ok where were we?  
  
Misty: I just slapped you and u started screaming at me  
  
Blastoise: o yea..: DID YOU JUST TOUCH THE FACE?!  
  
Misty:*whimpers..again*  
  
Blastoise: that's it! Hell broke lose up in here! You just did not touch the face you lil skinny ass red head betta get outta here before I make that crooked ponytail go straight!  
  
Misty:*runs out off the studio*  
  
Blastoise:*throws ash her way* don't forget this!*closes the door*  
  
Blastoise: WHO SHE THINK SHE IS?! TOUCH THE FACE.WHY I OUTTA-*goes on rampage*  
  
*stand by*  
  
*Commercial*  
  
Charmander: damn these stupid trainers! They keep bothering me!  
  
Bulbasaur: I know what you mean  
  
Pikachu: *comes out in a suit holding a bottle* well I got the product for you!  
  
Charmander and Bulbasaur: huh?  
  
Pikachu: PIKACHU URINE!  
  
Charmander and bulbasaur: pikachu urine?  
  
Pikachu: that's right! When trainers take one sniff of this they'll be gone forever!  
  
*Tracey appears*  
  
Tracey: hey, what are u guys doing?  
  
Pikachu:*talking to charmander and bulbasaur* watch this *hold up bottle to Tracey* pika!  
  
Tracey: u want me to smell it?  
  
Pikachu: *happily nods*  
  
Tracey: ok *sniffs it* *dies*  
  
Charmander: hey it worked!  
  
Pikachu: yup this baby can help you solve your troubles!  
  
Bulbasaur: where can we get one?  
  
Pikachu: its really simple just call 1 - 800- get -rid -of -trainers- because -pikachu -want -to rule- the -world and you get a year supply of pikachu urine  
  
Charmander: but how much does it cost?  
  
Pikachu: there is no cost! This is our donation to you! to help all pokemon out there!  
  
*all pokemon gets closer to the screen*  
  
Everybody: so get pokemon urine today!  
  
Announcer: to get one year supply of pikachu urine call 1-800-get -rid- of- pokemon trainers- because- pikachu -wants -to -rule- the- world- today!  
  
*end of commercial*  
  
Blastoise: *chuckles* whew almost lost the cool but now its back!  
  
*Cheer*  
  
Blastoise: Jim how's the face?  
  
Jim: beautiful like always sir  
  
Blastoise: good! Now let's bring our special guest.. JOE BUDDEN!  
  
*crowd goes wild*  
  
*caterpie in a phat farm suit and one air force one on its tail come out* caterpie Pump p p pump pump p p p pump  
  
Pump p p pump pump it up  
  
Pump p p pump pump p pump p pump  
  
Pump p p pump pump it up  
  
(Just Blaze)  
  
Pump p p pump pump it up  
  
We gon do it like (Uuh, uuh, uuh) Blastoise: cut the music! Who the hell are you?! Caterpie: I'm Joe Budden! Blastoise: no your not, your just a caterpie Caterpie: fine! *rips off clothes* I'm just a bum that lives in a pink box in the parking lot under a car in the middle of nowhere.but you'll see one day I am gonna- Blastoise: rule the world? Caterpie: no even worse! One day I am gonna have..two boxes ^-^ Blastoise: um yea... Whatever. security! *2 machoke comes in and drags caterpie out of the stage* Caterpie: no! You cant do this to me! Ill be back!*echo* Blastoise: ok yea whatever..well that's it for tonight, see you next time in.. Audience: THE BLASTOISE SHOW!*cheer* Blastoise: goodnight! *gets on top of desk and starts dancing* that's right! I'm shaking what my mama gave me! 


	2. rudy comes for a visit

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING BUT THIS FIC!  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Announcer: da na na na da nana da nana na da dada da dada dada!  
  
THE BLASTOISE SHOW!*explosion*  
  
Now here's your host..Blastoise!  
  
Blastiose: thank you, thank you and welcome to my show! The only show where I torture the pokemon cast for your entertainment! Today we have special guest Rudy!  
  
*Rudy teleports to the show*  
  
Rudy: misty, love come back to me. hey where am I?  
  
Blastoise: hey Rudy welcome to my show  
  
Rudy: why am I here?  
  
Blastoise: so I can bother you! ^.^  
  
Rudy: are we on live television?  
  
Blastoise: uhhh.yea  
  
Rudy: *runs to camera and puts his face close to the screen* misty if you are watching this I just want to say that I love you! Please come back!!! I'm a wreck wit out you!  
  
Blastoise: security get that thing off my camera its ruining my shots  
  
*they sit Rudy down unto the chair*  
  
Blastoise: Rudy c'mon get over it, misty likes ash not you.ASH not you the keyword is ASH  
  
Rudy: WHERE IS HE?!  
  
Blastoise: I dunno?  
  
Rudy: imma kill him for taking misty away from me! First imma bite his ear then I going to-  
  
Blastoise: hey man calm down its not that serious, she ain't that pretty plus I like them girl wit them curves *grin* Rudy: misty got curves!  
  
Blastoise: yea and Tracey's skinny  
  
Rudy: he is?!  
  
Blastoise: no  
  
Rudy: ohh.but misty got something there  
  
Blastoise: yea a whole bunch of bones and maybe skin but that's it *puts his arm around Rudy* there are more people out there my friend  
  
Rudy:*looks at Blastoise arms around his shoulder*  
  
Blastoise: *quickly removes arm* and it ain't me  
  
Rudy: but misty is the only on for me!  
  
Blastoise: look imma help you out  
  
Rudy: you will?  
  
Blastoise: yup! But first I have to unite the 3 people in the whole world that can't get a girl! Let's welcome Brock!  
  
*Brock teleports to the show*  
  
Brock: what is this place?!  
  
Blastoise: hello Brock and welcome to my show!  
  
Brock: what am I doing here?!  
  
Blastoise: well I am going to do the miraculous act and get you a girl!  
  
Brock: *anime cry* dreams do come true*sniffle*  
  
Blastoise: but we can't do that until we bring.Tracey!  
  
*Tracey teleports to the show*  
  
Tracey: it's raining men alleluia! Its rai- hey this isn't professor's oak lab!  
  
Blastoise: nope and thank god it isn't! You're in my show now!  
  
Tracey: what for?  
  
Blastoise: well Tracey, since I'm a generous and kind person I am gonna help get somebody so you wont be 70 year old in retirement home wit nuthin to grab instead of your-  
  
Tracey: teddy bear?  
  
Blastoise: O.o if u want to you can call it that but the point is I going to get you a girl  
  
Tracey: geez thanks!  
  
Brock: and who are you gonna hook us up with  
  
Blastoise: some girls  
  
Rudy: who?  
  
Blastoise: Jim! Bring out the girls!  
  
*3 gorgeous girls come out and they are all waving and blowing kisses at Brock, Tracey, and Rudy*  
  
Brock, Tracey and Rudy: *drool*  
  
Blastoise: Jim! Not those girls!  
  
*girls get thrown out the studio*  
  
Blastoise: bring out the GIRLS!  
  
*3 old ladies appear*  
  
1st old lady: I think I died and gone to heaven cause look it these 3 hot men  
  
Rudy: please don't let me this be happening to me  
  
Brock: you said you was gonna hook us up wit some girls  
  
Blastoise: I did! ^.^  
  
Brock: but not with old ladies!  
  
Tracey: I don't know what you guys are complaining about they looooook goooood! *Tracey winks at 3rd old lady and they about to leave the studio together*  
  
*Todd comes outta nowhere with a pink dress in holdin one high heel shoe *  
  
Todd: *Bronx girl attitude* and where you think you going?!  
  
Tracey: *turns around and gasp* Todd! Its not what u think  
  
Todd:*swingin shoe* I turn around for one minute and there u go cheatin on me wit this old hag  
  
Old lady: oooo no she didn't! hold me back! Hold me back!  
  
Tracey: but baby I love you  
  
Todd: don't you baby me! *sniffle* how can u do this to the kids?!  
  
*the audience gasps*  
  
Tracey: but we never had kids  
  
Todd: I'm talking about the dogs!  
  
Old lady: well too bad freak he's mine now!  
  
Todd: ooh yea! *grabs on to the old lady's saggy breast and flings her out the studio*  
  
Audience: oooooooooooooooooo*chanting*BLASTOISE! BLASTOIE! BLASTOISE!  
  
Blastoise:*yelling over the audience* uhhh its getting to crazy around here we'll be back after these messages!  
  
*commercial*  
  
Nurse joy: nobody likes it when people get hurt so please don't abuse pokemon. If you know a pokemon that is being severely abused please call *a squirtle with one eye comes to the screen holding the phone number* 1-800 pokemon abuse because nobody wants to get hurt.  
  
*another commercial*  
  
*a fat snorlax is sittn on the couch flippin the channel until he sees a pikachu in a suit*  
  
Pikachu:*taps screen* hey you, yea you, I know your fat you know you fat, your family know your fat but do u wanna change all of that? Then buy Pikachu's bodies in motion its my new work out video that makes you lose 10,000,000,000 pounds in one day!  
  
Snorlax: *eyes wide open* one day?! Pikachu: yup that's right! One day! Now look at this jigglypuff * in the "before" image you see a sad regular jiggly puff but in the "after" image you see a popped jiggly puff with no air on the ground*  
  
Pikachu: I even use this my self * u see the before and after image which both make no difference* and look at how I turned out! Now hear what this pokemon has to say who used my product  
  
*you see a hitmochop wit one arm and half a leg and a bandage over his head and he has 5 missin teeth*  
  
hitmontop: I think everybody should use this product I mean it has done wonders for me and I recommended to my family and friends and I recommend this product to you, hey I might have had diarrhea a couple of times and a quite few illness but this product works  
  
pikachu: its simple just call 1 800 get rid of fat because pikachu wants to rule the world and you'll get 100 videos of pikachu's bodies in motion with just a low price of 1.99!  
  
*you see the snorlax dialing the number*  
  
Pikachu: so call today!*bites a chicken leg*  
  
*end of commercials*  
  
Blastoise: well during the commercials Todd and Tracey made up and made a vow to not cheat on each other again  
  
Audience: awwww  
  
Blastoise: but as for Brock and Rudy we'll let this clip tell you what happen with them  
  
*in the clip you see Brock and Rudy chased by 2 old ladies*  
  
Brock:*running* ahhhhhhh!  
  
1st old lady: give some bichuela(beans) to abuela!  
  
Rudy and Brock: *running* AHHHHHHHH!  
  
*End of clip*  
  
Blastoise well today is Friday and you know what that means  
  
Audience: free style Friday!  
  
Blastoise: yup and today, its jiggly puff vs. pikachu Blastoise: now have fun and make as many good rhymes as you can  
  
*pikachu and jiggly nod*  
  
*rap music starts playing*  
  
Pikachu: yo yo still lookin for the dough While your sill being my ho c'mon girl find something to do Cause as you can see nobody wants you Cause you're just a pink puff Wit a nasty butt But I got the bitches and I got the bling bling But all you can do is freakin sing So don't waste your time here Come back another year Or maybe never Cause in your conditions you can never get better But let me give you a tip Guys like us like girls wit big ti-  
  
*ding! Ding! Ding!*  
  
Audience: oooooo*chanting* go pika go pika go pika!  
  
Blastoise: well times up pikachu now it's your turn jiggly  
  
*rap music plays again*  
  
jiggly:uh uh uh so that's all you can do call me ugly? When you the one getting kinda chubby Stupid pikachu getting so freakin fat And all up on ash's ass Stuck on his balls Every time he calls And you makin fun of my singing When you got no ding a ling ling But even though people sleep When I sing But you know it's me when you find shit on your face Cause silly drawings is what I leave as a trace  
  
*ding ding ding*  
  
*rap music stops*  
  
Blastoise: its time to decide the winner..audience?  
  
Audience: *chanting*PIKA! PIKA! PIKA!  
  
Blastoise: then pikachu is the winner!  
  
Pikachu: *cross arms* yo  
  
Blastoise: well that's then end of my show make sure I see you next time on the..  
  
Audience: THE BLASTOISE SHOW!*crowds go wild*  
  
Blastoise: *dancing with jiggly*c'mon jiggly get your freak on!  
  
A/N: I know I can't rap..but still send some reviews! 


	3. Professor Ivy secret is finally revealed...

Disclaimer: *counting money*1...2...3 – shit! *hides money behind back* look I got no money! I do not own nothing but this fic! So don't sue!  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Announcer: da na na na da nana da nana na da dada da dada dada!  
  
THE BLASTOISE SHOW!*explosion*  
  
Now here's your host......Blastoise!  
  
Blastoise: *walks out onto the stage* thank you, thank you, and welcome to my show. The only show where I torture the pokemon cast for your entertainment! Today we're gonna have a surprise artist perform for us today, but before we get started doesn't any body ever wonder what happened with Brock and Professor Ivy that caused Brock to leave?  
  
Audience: *nods*  
  
Blastoise: well that's why we got Professor Ivy here to help us explain what happened! Let's welcome Professor Ivy!  
  
*professor ivy teleports to the show*  
  
Professor Ivy: *fixing weave* don't I just look gorgeous today...wait this isn't my bedroom!  
  
Blastoise: *sniffle* unfortunly it isn't...but we can change that if you want... *grin*  
  
Professor ivy: wow a talking Blastoise!!!  
  
Blastoise: don't you even think about touching me or you'll end up where he is *shows a picture of ash smiling with 3 teeth and has one arm and half a leg in the hospital*  
  
Professor Ivy: *whimpers and sits down*  
  
Blastoise: now to my question! What do you think of Brock?  
  
Professor Ivy: *starts fantasizing and talks in a regular mans voice * Brock is a gorgeous piece of meat, with great hair with a great peni- *clears throat and talks girly* I mean personality *giggle*  
  
Blastoise: *angry* so then what happened that caused Brock to leave?  
  
Professor Ivy: he uh...did not accept certain things so he left...  
  
Blastoise: hmm... I feel like bothering Brock again... so let's bring him out!  
  
*Brock teleports to the show*  
  
Brock: *holds hand on his smacked cheek* call me!  
  
Blastoise: *evil laughter* hello Brock  
  
Brock: not you again!!! Because of you, I almost got laid by an old lady!  
  
Audience: ewww!  
  
Blastoise: don't blame me! I got you a girl as u asked *evil grin*  
  
Brock: why I outta-*sees professor ivy* Professor Ivy!  
  
Professor Ivy: *gets up and gives him a squeeze hug* hello my love! where did u go? I've missed you!!  
  
Brock: get off you homo! I told you I don't go that way!!!  
  
Blastoise: did u just say homo?!  
  
Brock: yes! Because professor ivy is actually....a man!  
  
Audience:*gasp*  
  
Blastoise: *eyes get large* what! *smacks head* bad bad fantasies!!  
  
Professor ivy: so what? I'm a man! *shows penis to everyone*  
  
Audience: *covers there eyes*  
  
Blastoise:*hides behind desk in fear* please put that lil thing away!  
  
Professor Ivy: *puts penis back in thong*  
  
Blastoise: did u really have to wear the thong?!  
  
Professor ivy: *big grin* its by designer Gay Man Tracey for gay men I wear it especially for Brock *licks lips*  
  
Brock: *punches Professor Ivy* leave me alone I'm not gay!!!!!  
  
Audience: ooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh!!!!!!! BLASTOISE! BLASTOISE! BLASTIOSE!  
  
*Tracey and Professor oak come out of nowhere in Tracey's gay men thongs holding stop homo phobia sign*  
  
Tracey: look at you people supporting this kind of action!  
  
Blastoise: look at you in that thong! What the hell are you doing on my show!  
  
Professor oak: *African accent* give us-us free!!!  
  
Tracey: *whispering to professor oak* what are you doing?  
  
Professor oak: I thought we were auditioning for Amistad?  
  
Tracey: no that's on Saturday  
  
Professor oak: ohh....  
  
Blastoise: you got 10 seconds to explain why you're here  
  
Tracey: *starts speaking fast* we here to stop the violence that homo phobics always have toward us...  
  
Professor Oak: *yelling we want respect and equality in the background of Tracy's speech*  
  
Tracey: so we can all look ahead and take a new step towards peace in the world!  
  
*silence*  
  
*One pokemon claps*  
  
Blastoise: not good enough!!!!  
  
*logs and sticks come out of nowhere and Blastoise lights it up and starts a big fire*  
  
Blastoise: you shall burn *evil look* IN THE FIRE OF DOOM!!!  
  
*Brock and Blastoise starts walking towards Tracey and professor oak*  
  
*African drums start playing*  
  
Brock and Blastoise: *chanting* HOO HOO HEE HA HOO! HOO HOO HEE HA HOO!  
  
Professor Oak: hey do you hear the drums? That means I say my lines now right?  
  
Tracey: no! That means we runaway!*starts running*  
  
*Brock and Blastoise grab them and toss them into the fire*  
  
Professor ivy: *tip toeing out of the studio*  
  
Blastoise: *starts speaking African and points at professor ivy*  
  
*professor ivy is thrown into the fire just for the hell of it*  
  
Blastoise *dancing around the fire* we'll be back after these commercials!  
  
*1st Commercial*  
  
Announcer: he asks the questions no one will ask...  
  
Pikachu: *talking to Brock* can you open your eyes?  
  
Brock: *shakes head sadly*  
  
Announcer: he won't stop till he gets an answer...  
  
Pikachu: *knocks on Misty's door*  
  
Misty: for the last time I am not gonna answer your question to see if I had a sexual relationship with Brock!  
  
Pikachu: *lifts up shirt* will you answer it now?  
  
Announcer: and he's always live!  
  
Pikachu:*wearing yellow toupee (a/n: I'm not sure if that's how you spell it* that's right watch my show, "on air with pikachu" the only show where your questions finally get answered.  
  
Announcer: watch "on air with pikachu" forever on the pikachu is gonna rule the world channel  
  
Pikachu: *high on caffeine* we'll be waiting for you!  
  
*2nd commercial*  
  
*May looking in the mirror* May: damn everybody keeps making fun of my boobs because they're too small! How is bobby ever gonna ask me to the dance now...  
  
*Pikachu in suit comes out of the window*  
  
Pikachu: woooahhhhh what the hell, you got no boobies!  
  
May: *sigh* don't remind me...  
  
Pikachu: well I got the product for you!  
  
May: hmm what product?  
  
Pikachu: *holds out bat* Pikachu's Breast Enhancers!  
  
May: but that is just a bat!  
  
Pikachu: not just any old bat! Watch this *hits May's breast with the bat"  
  
May: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! My breast!!! How is by hitting my breast gonna work?!  
  
Pikachu: look at your breast now  
  
*May's breast starts getting swollen making her breast look like a D cup*  
  
May: wow! even though it hurts my boobs do look bigger! *smiles* ouch *giggles*  
  
*at school*  
  
May: I hope this works*hits her breast with pikachu's breast enhancers bat*  
  
*boobs start getting bigger*  
  
Bobby: *walking and notices may* hey what's up May  
  
May: *nervous* hi-hi  
  
Bobby: *notices bruises on her breast* whoa! What the hell happen?  
  
Pikachu: *nervous chuckle* what a weird way of asking her to the dance *gives bobby evil eye*  
  
Bobby: uh yea! Um will you go to the dance with me?  
  
May:*excited* sure! *bobby walks away*  
  
May: *turns to the camera* now I got a date and bigger boobs ^.^  
  
Pikachu: another happy ending to one of our customers! So what are you waiting for call now!  
  
Announcer: to get Pikachu's Breast Enhancers call 1-800-get bigger boobs because Pikachu wants rule the world today!  
  
Pikachu: bye bye flat chest hello big boobs!  
  
*end of commercial*  
  
Blastoise: welcome back to the show! Now I'm gonna bring out our surprise guest! Everyone welcome pop princess Christina Aguilera with her new single "the voice within"!  
  
*pichu comes in wearing chaps and a black wig*  
  
Pichu: young girl don't cry I'll be right here when your world start to-  
  
Blastoise: cut the music!  
  
*music stops*  
  
Pichu: what's wrong you don't like my outfit?!  
  
Blastoise: no I love it! I wanted to ask you where you got it?  
  
Pichu: oh it's Versace  
  
Blastoise: you look great! How u get so thin?!  
  
Pichu: thanks! I was on the Atkins diet ^.^  
  
Blastoise: ohhh interesting! ...wait...who the hell are you?!  
  
Pichu: I am a member from the "Caterpie Boxtakers Association" also known as the "C.B.A"  
  
Blastoise: so what's the point of you being here?!  
  
Pichu: I'm here to retrieve as many boxes to master caterpie! So hand over ya boxes!  
  
Blastoise: sorry but we got no boxes  
  
Pichu: *points water gun to Blastoise's head* I said give it to me now!!  
  
Blastoise: oh no you didn't! *takes pichu's clothes then throws him into the fire of doom with the others* That's the end of our show! Good night! *tries on the clothes, but then it rips*  
  
Pichu: *burning* you won't here the last of us!!!  
  
Blastoise: *throws gasoline into the fire* shut up!  
  
*explosion*  
  
Blastoise: uh oh...  
  
A/N: another chappie is finally up! I hope you likey! Remember to review please! ^.^ 


End file.
